Ever since I first heard about the drunk astronauts (see here for example) I've been thinking back to my bad old past. Ah, the days when we thought driving drunk was cute and funny. So sometime in the 70s I read an article by a person in a magazine (sorry, all that drinking has fuzzed out my memory a bit) about How to Drive When You're Drunk. It was a simple method, and I practiced it many a time. It's called "Talking to Houston." What you do is you pretend you're an astronaut. You say, "Houston, I am reaching into my pocket. Houston, I have located the keys. Houston, I am inserting the ignition key into the ignition and turning it on. Houston, I am depressing the clutch." Well, you get the picture. It works really well. Not that I would advocate driving drunk, really. It was a different time.
p.s. If you don't recognize the picture, you don't know The Thin Man, and you must. The dialog that goes along with this picture is:
REPORTER: Is he working on a case?
NORA: Yes he is.
REPORTER: What case?
NORA: A case of scotch.
The earlier movies are the best; they kind of went downhill.