The Onion on the garden path

We'll get back to opacity, but I'm finally reading Eric's 2007 article in Phonology on the subject, so it may take a while to sand off the phonological rust. But even anonymous bloggers who try to avoid serious topics have some standards, I guess.

In the meantime, check out this Onion link:

'Wheel Of Fortune' Contestants Hit Hard As Vowel Prices Skyrocket

Cute. But I'm always a sucker for the horoscopes and there's a wrinkle this week:

Leo JULY 23 - AUGUST 22
The loss of a child is never easy, especially when the resourceful little pest keeps managing to find his way back home.

As a regular reader of this blog pointed out in conversation, it isn't a typical garden path (if it's one at all). The verb, she points out, would allow both readings more easily — if you're being followed, you can lose them — but the noun is odder. In fact, I just can't get the punny reading to work grammatically, though I laughed when I read it. And don't figure that this is a glitch — the Onion writers are good finding ways to keep you off-balance as a reader, and this is probably an example of that.

Anyway, maybe you're more comfortable with this:

Cancer JUNE 22 - JULY 22
You'll have a lot of explaining to do this week when the mathematical constant W is somehow reduced to an irrational decimal, leaving x and y unbalanced on the other side of the equation.

And, dear minions and regular readers (assuming you haven't abandoned the blog after the theory-heavy days), rest assured, I'll be back in the gutter before you know it ...